Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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