I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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