She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
