Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
