Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
