we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
