He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
