You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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