I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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