Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
