there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
