if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
