she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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