You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We have so much sex to catch up on
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
