Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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