I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
