DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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