Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
