youre lurking in front of me
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
