He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize