We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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