Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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