Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Randomize
