Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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