It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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