I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
