it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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