my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
