if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I need to align my fucking chakras
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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