If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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