I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
