I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
