I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
