at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You pole danced in your parka.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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