Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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