So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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