I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
my sisters under your porch take her home
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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