she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
