im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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