I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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