I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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