Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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