A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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