I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Too much gin, very little bucket
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
