I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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