I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
