I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
