I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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