Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
