yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
this boner is exhausting
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize