If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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