Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It's shark week go big or go home
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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