So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
