Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
