I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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