Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
