ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
