At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
