Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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