I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
