There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize