a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
