i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You are the jesus of drinking
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
