is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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