you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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