As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
